(I have dyslexia so please excuse my mistakes & grammar)
There is one song that touches me like to other…
James Blunt, Goodbye My Lover.
There is a story behind my love for this song it’s a deeply personal story, if you are not in a good place mentally please DO NOT read on but save it and I hope one day you return at a better time in your life 🙂
It is a sad story, a painfully memory, but I survived…
In the Spring of 2006 my partner’s 2 sons got in touch with him after 9 years of no contact, we had been living together for 2 years at this point and had just got engaged at Christmas, so for me this new situation was scary because along with his boys came his ex wife…
As spring progressed so did my partners contact and plans to meet with his oldest son during the summer, my partner’s two sons are not from the UK but from Central Europe so as his son was only 16 years old at the time he was going to visit with his grandpa from his mother’s side.
All these plans were arranged without any consultation with me which was tough and hard to accept but at the end of the day who was I to come between my partner & his sons.
At this time I was very depressed I had moved away from my family to be with my partner to be close to his work and his work was taking over our lives, he would leave the house at 7am return home at 6pm go online to chat with his sons then go back into work and not return home till around 11pm.
I was so very lonely and I was struggling to cope with my depression, I was in a very dark place.
On my partners birthday in early July I really thought about the gifts I bought him, but it was to be a card from his two sons & ex wife that would win the day and brought about emotions I could only dreamed of stirring in him.
After this internally I was struggling with the whole situation, I know I was being selfish, I was jealous; I resented the attention they all got while I got nothing… it was basically eating me up inside but I said nothing.
Then one day the ex wife started saying hi in the chats…
Just to make it clear 9 years previous my partner had very nearly got back together with his ex, he said it would of only have been for the kid’s sake but still it nearly happened.
I envisioned this happening again, I had no confidence or self esteem so I was terrified of losing my man, my soul mate.
One night after yet more chats with his sons I could not hold my feelings in any longer I told him I had no issues or problem with his sons but I would prefer his ex wife played no part in our lives, I explained my fears that I believed she was trying to worm her way back in using his sons to achieve her goal.
We argued as he refused to stop contact with her, then my whole world fell apart my partner told me it was over, he had not loved for months and he said he only got engaged to shut me up.
Then he went to bed in the spare room.
I sat there for what seemed like hours, I cried and cried I was broken, in the early hours of the morning I was so desperate I rang my mum asking if I could stay with her for a while, she said NO ‘it wouldn’t work Julie’ and so I realised I had nothing… simply nothing.
I walked into the kitchen grabbed a 2Ltr bottle of coke cola & my box of medication… and I took the lot.
I left no notes, no evidence of what I’d done I even tidied up… I remember walking up the stairs to bed feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders, I felt free, relaxed…..
at peace.
Three months later I woke up in an intensive care unit, unable to speak due to a tracheotomy.
Goodbye My Lover, James Blunt’s song was the song I played over and over… the words touched me, still do to this day it was everything I needed to say at that time but could not..
On that note I shall leave you.. there is a second part to this story the happy ending if you like, but for fear of your losing interest I shall leave that for another day.
Thank you for reading…. if you still with me 😉
If you get a chance please check out the song, it is beautiful 🙂
x
Missy Manic 